The Minute Men For the record, I did not go to Tombstone over the weekend. I told everyone I was going, but there were extenuating circumstances that prevented that trip from taking place. First and foremost was the allergy thing. Medically speaking, I have no allergies of which I'm aware. I've never been one to suffer from hay fever, spring fever or any other kind. Only this year have I experienced this phenomenon - burning, itching eyes; violent sneezing, stuffy head... It's all very uncharacteristic. On Saturday, I went through two rolls of toilet paper, a roll of paper towels, two tee-shirts, six inches of napkins and every facial tissue in the house. This is probably due to all the rain we had over "the winter" (as we laughingly call it in Phoenix). There's about a metric ton of pollen per cubic foot of air these days. Then the winds kick up, sweeping all kinds of desert crud in from the mountains that ring the Valley of the Sun. Therefore, a long car trip with a runny nose was out of the question. Why Tombstone, anyway? On any other weekend, the answer would be "just because". Like the Grand Canyon, it's one of those fascinating places in Arizona that I've never bothered to visit, but then, I never claimed to be the world's greatest tourist, either. This weekend, and all this month, the home of the OK Corral is also the headquarters for the Minuteman Project. I wanted to go there to speak with all of the assembled parties, and quite the spectrum of humanity awaits. First, you have the Minutemen themselves, an assortment of characters who have come together from lands near and far to give the Feds a helping hand in protecting our border with Mexico. Then you have the ACLU, which thought it wise to send observers to hound-dog all of the Minutemen. Politicians, Border Patrol agents and Department of Homeland Security spooks are reportedly crawling all over the place. Rumor has it that Aryan Nation types have infiltrated the project, and are out for blood. Further gossip suggests that Mexican gangs from Southern California are also in the bush, waiting for them. Then there are the illegal immigrants themselves, traipsing across the terrain in hopes of finding a better life, this American dream. All of the hubbub has caused Mexico to declare(!) Arizona a place where xenophobia rules the day, where Mexicans are definitely not welcome. This was a self-made media event from before the word go. Once the press got to Tombstone, they realized that there was one reporter for every four and a half Minutemen - like daycare for adults. As it became more and more apparent that they (the reporters) looked like idiots, coverage began to decline, and in today's Arizona Republic there is nary a mention of the Minutemen. Of course, the party was overshadowed by a couple-three fatalities to hit the front pages, with such cultural icons as Johnnie Cochran, Terri Schiavo and Pope John Paul II grabbing all the headlines. Also, the newspapers may have blanched because the government truly frowns on the project, with even the president labeling these citizens as "vigilantes". That's got to smart, since nearly all of these Minutemen are rock-ribbed conservatives who voted for Bush. Yet they've already claimed victory on one front, saying the project has made a blip on the government's radar screen where its woeful border policies are concerned. It seems to have done so, as some 200 fresh Border Patrol agents were recently shipped to Arizona, with another 300-odd on the way (although the government denies that the beef-up has anything to do with the Minutemen). If shaming the government into action is the only result of this circus, it will be a good thing. But since one of those calling the shots in Tucson happens to be Chris Simcox, who has not always shown extraordinarily good judgment in the past, something tells me that this will turn ugly before too much longer. Whether it does or not, these folks are absolutely right in addressing our country's needs at the border. There are, however, two fronts on which the government has let us all down when it comes to immigration policy. There's the war they are losing at the Rio Grande, and there's the massive failure at the desks, too, where it takes far too long for paperwork to be processed. If legal immigration weren't such a dead end, we wouldn't have so many illegal immigrants in the first place. If conservatives would prod their government on that side of the issue with as much zest as they bring to the desert, they might accomplish their stated goals a lot sooner than by running around in floppy hats with night-sights affixed to their assault rifles. I suppose we should not disparage them; after all, everyone deserves their fifteen Minutes of fame. Paul Heller 04/04/05 << back to the archives
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