Spaced Out The greatest caption ever to appear below a movie title comes from the Ridley Scott film, Alien: "In Space, No One Can Hear You Scream." Note that it does not say in "OUTER space", just "space", which is defined secondly (after the mathematical definition, of course) as "the infinite extension of the three-dimensional region in which all matter exists." Welcome to space, where you can scream all you like. Although it would take an entirely different mathematical trick to prove it, I suspect on most days that all the screaming can, in fact, be heard... It's just that nobody cares. And that's so cynical that it makes me question my own blood sugar levels when I look at it, so depressing that it makes me want to scream. But what would be the point? Indeed, that's a fair question. To answer it will require a great deal of space, not to mention quite a bit of time (don't get me started on time). The people of this planet have been injuring their necks since the dawn of... y'know... due to their obsession with the heavens. Bright lights usually have that effect on humanity; check out Las Vegas and you'll find that we're a bunch of moths. We can't help ourselves. For example, if you're reading this right now, you are staring at a computer monitor. As much as we've been focused on the stars, only in the last half-century or so have we come up with the ability to actually roam out away from Mother Earth. Such has become part of the storied lore of America, as much as cherry trees, cowboy hats and the World Series. President John F. Kennedy was most responsible for shaping our concept of the possible; without him, NASA would never have evolved the way it has. That's something for which a lot of people would like to assign blame, actually, with two Shuttle disasters (along with other failures) and an incalculable price tag dogging the space program's image over the last twenty years. What does America have to show for it? Better television? A couple of moon rocks? Nonpareil military intelligence? Not long ago, right here in our own little galaxy, the United States Air Force (operated by the Bush Administration) made public its intentions to put weapons in space. Among other projects on the old three-dee blackboard are plans for a "space plane" and a robotic missile system, designed in effect to protect North America from an attack from some rogue state or other. Immediately, the Union of Concerned Scientists stated their belief that weaponization of space would be nothing short of dangerous and expensive tomfoolery. Part of the problem, I suspect, is that deploying several hundred missile-launching stations into orbit at roughly twenty thousand miles an hour isn't exactly a prudent idea. Don't expect anyone in high office to hear their screams, though - the Bush administration kind of takes its own approach to science. "There are changes," explained spokesman Scott McClellan, "that have occurred over the last eight or nine years, and there are countries that have taken an interest in space." Denying the desire to weaponize space, they nonetheless express a concern over threats to our satellites. Seriously. That's the point of the policy review that is going on right now. I know what you're thinking. If they couldn't even figure out weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, how are they going to figure out weapons in space? That, too, is a fair question. I know what else you're thinking. Aren't they simply preparing to knock out an "enemy" satellite, say, Al Jazeera? Isn't that what this is all about? Even conservatives who are not (thank God) in control of the instruments and machines of government have gone into brain-lock while pondering going where no man has gone before. Finally, after 28 years, the last installment of the Star Wars series has arrived, bringing the story full circle. While I haven't yet seen the picture (I've been somewhat crowd-leery ever since the remake of Dawn of the Dead), I've heard plenty. It seems that rock-ribbed Republicans like James Pinkerton of the Los Angeles Times are actually offended by George Lucas' story line. It apparently portrays a Republic that wickedly morphs into an Empire. He finds some of the obvious comparisons of our government today to the Sith (the Empire) in the movie distasteful. He even indicated that such ideology might affect ticket sales - obviously, he had written his critique before the film opened, as it broke every box office record on the books. Of course, that means he wrote the article without having seen the movie. The same thing happened last year, as conservatives mindlessly attacked Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 without ever having viewed it. The website for all of the jackasses in the universe, The Free Republic, even called for a boycott, though such was clearly futile. It's all typical, and kind of sad. I know one person who has already been to three showings. He, too, drew lines between Darth Vader and President Bush. He feels that his "extended childhood" had ended with this film, giving him literally no hope "for the children of tomorrow." I don't know that he can be consoled, or even what to tell him... Other than that I can hear him screaming, all the way over here. Paul Heller 05/23/05 << back to the archives
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